When I was an elementary teacher, I heard about a summer class, something about making kids stronger. The course description stated that the class was taught by a guidance counselor who had helped students discover their inner strength. I wondered if he would reveal the culmination of all this wisdom in a concise package or capsule of words and procedures that would push my students and, perhaps, myself to strive for never-ending excellence. Was it worth taking five days off from my summer vacation to attend a class that was over 60 miles away? And then I got the idea! I’d find a campground in The Adirondacks near the class and commute. I would be a student during the day, and at night, I would complete any assigned reading by the light of my gas lantern and a wood fire. I loved the idea.

The instructor seemed knowledgeable and passionate about his subject. He said he held a camp each year to teach kids resilience. I asked how he got kids from disadvantaged families to attend. His answer startled me. He said he opened the group to everyone because many children from advantaged families lacked resiliency. Maybe I knew this. Movies, TV programs, and sometimes real life were filled with rich kids who leaned on their family’s privilege to get through life.

He asked if we had ever wondered how people who have gone through tough times managed to make it.  People like Winston Churchill, J.K. Rowling, Thomas Edison, and Rosa Parks experienced difficult childhoods, physical illnesses, or poverty. He then explained the three factors for building resiliency: setting goals, having role models, and maintaining an internal locus of control. I listened intently as he explained the third. With an internal locus of control, a person believes they can influence events and their outcomes. People without this character trait blame the world outside themselves for everything. They don’t take responsibility for their actions and live a life of learned helplessness.

I was thrilled to learn that I would be able to teach and help develop resilience in my students. I could tell them the stories of people who succeeded despite obstacles and roadblocks. I was instructed to help my students set reasonable goals broken down into manageable steps. The instructor told us that kids need to be encouraged to see mistakes and failures as lessons, not reasons to give up. And that people, both young and old, must know that they can’t always blame outside influences for what happens to them. It’s up to each individual to chart the direction of their own life.

I invited my neighbor, Leona, to join me on the last day of my camping/ study trip. She is 20 years older than me and a great friend and confidant. She helped me through my divorce, listening to all the drama and allowing me to cry. I vividly remember one session in particular when we walked out on her porch and saw a double rainbow. It seemed to confirm our resilience and the fact that, despite having both gone through a lot in our lives, everything would be okay.

I am proud to say Leona is my role model. Through hard work and persistence, she founded and was the first director of the hospice in our rural county. Her kindness and wonderful insights have comforted many people.

She was also a fun neighbor who was up for anything. When I told her about my Adirondack excursion, she told me she would take the day off and join me. She arrived with an air mattress, a sleeping bag, and a buckwheat pillow that her doctor recommended for her neck pain.

We made a campfire dinner and watched the flames die as we listened to the lovely sounds of loons on the lake. We talked for a while in the darkness of the tent and then fell asleep. My next memory is the very loud sniffing sound from outside the tent near where Leona had placed her head.

“Uh, Oh,” I said.

“Bear!” we both shouted. That was enough to frighten the hairy intruder, and we heard him lumber away.

“It’s your damn pillow, Leona,” I said. And we both laughed.

Leona and I have had challenges in our lives, but I know there is a stubborn power in both of us. We know nothing will ever stop us from living life to the fullest. This has enabled her to become a great leader and a valued contributor to her community.  It’s made me a brave traveler. We are resilient.

Thanks, Leona!

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