July 27 & 28, 2001

I’m no longer worried about how I look. Gave that up about two weeks ago. I’m good enough just the way I am…… acceptance.  I feel strong.  I have been brave all my life. Yes, I have done cowardly things  but I have had enough courage to never give up hope.  There is a Buddhist quote, “fall down seven times, get up eight”.  I have fallen a lot put I always get up and go forward.

It rained so I am staying another day in Butte, Montana in a motel. It’s nice to be in a regular bed and the room phone gives me a chance to call my family and to be in contact with the places that handle my bills so I can send out checks in the right amount.

Staying put. Flowing, not hurrying. A bookstore appears. And then another and then one more. Heaven on a rainy day.

I see that Julia Cameron the author of The Artist’s Way, has another book, Heart Steps. I find a chair and sit down with this  book of “Prayers and Declarations for the Creative Life”. Praying has been on my mind.  Prayers for my smoking tires. Prayers of gratitude for being able to take this trip. Prayers to become a writer because writing has been a part of me since I was a little girl.

Julia Cameron wrote,'”I surrender my anxiety and my sense of urgency………I open my heart to God’s timing. I release my deadlines, agendas, and stridency to the gentle yet often swift pacing of God……..As I relax into God’s timing, my heart contains comfort. As I allow God to set the tone and schedule of my days, I find myself in the right time and place, open and available to God’s opportunities.”

Wow! I buy this book!

I moved on to the next book store, find a book about growing old and another comfy chair. The author wrote about having value in one’s later years by finding purpose.

“Those who have found some purpose in life do have one conviction in common; they all have faith in their intuitive sense of direction……..Great healers have always understood that intuition is the conscious voice of a deeper wisdom within us and our ability to live a satisfying existence depends on our willingness to surrender to that voice, wherever it might lead us.”

What a great few days of insight.  I have always believed in the saying, “when we are ready, a teacher will appear”.

And there is one last thing today.  I pray for peace because there has been  a lot of conflict in my life.  I’m hoping for the skills to express my needs and feelings more effectively so people don’t hurt me and I don’t hurt them. I was never taught how to do that.  Now I’m confident that knowledge will come.

Thank you, God, for this journey and all my blessings.